May 2015

My Daughter

Another day, which was exciting and joyful as if  to have new life. With my daughter my heart cries, has some special feeling every moment, sometimes happiness, sometimes love and sometimes when she is crying I am in panic situation. I cant express my heart out as I have always kept it closed. I always wanted to avoid too much love or hate, keeping my emotions balanced but this time I think it will take years. I have always enjoyed playing with kids specially when they come and hug me. I can still remember the day I was coming back from school and my young brother coming with smile and we hug each other. My eldest nephew when she was young she always hug me. I love those moments. Its really awesome feeling cause they are very pure souls with smile and cuteness they make you better human. Its really difficult to express all this in words.

This time its my own daughter, I am more confident while handling her and at the same time sure that its completely my responsibility and I have freedom. My daughter, my cute little flower garden that has filled my heart. Although I already knew since few years that I will have daughter and had dreams about her coming and playing with me, but when it comes to living those dreams it’s more awesome and I hope I can make her happy as in dreams. Its been one month but still cant decide of her name as she is just another kid in the world, but just the entire world in my eyes.
All this fun has another side, its just like with big power comes big responsibility. Same is applicable to happiness. Other kids have grown up, their parents have taken care but now its my turn. As parent I have really started to understand facts and only fact is human behaviour changes with time and environment. I started thinking of her growing and reached almost my age and then suddenly I had to stop. STOP I shouldn’t imaging and believe in my dreams, she is different, she is not me. Many times we face a situation and handle it in our way, next time we see others facing it and we have same solution in mind. But wait the other person might have different idea. So I have to keep reminding myself that she will be different and grooming her is my responsibility and that’s it. She will make her own destiny.
Many were not as happy as me when she was born having concerns about raising child and future, I agree with them there is some difference, but its not about girl or boy its about our social and human behaviour that makes it different. Its awesome in the beginning until they are with you and most difficult when they might move on. But that is how our social system is and it has its own advantages we cant deny that. That’s how life works, people of this century has accepted this and have started living with this situation in better ways. We are living our life in our own way; so will they. I would say I have started understanding my parents more and will try to spend more time with them, may be world would be different some day.┬áSometime I try to make foolish attempt to think what my daughter would be thinking when she is smiling in her dreams. That’s cute but silly attempt many of us make. 😊
This note I am writing in the new train going home, hoping to meet her again in few hours, of-course in dreams.